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GLYNN WASHINGTON: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. Filling in for Bill Kurtis, I'm Glynn Washington.
(APPLAUSE)
WASHINGTON: And here's your host at the Brooklyn Academy of Music in Brooklyn, New York - Brooklyn...
(APPLAUSE)
WASHINGTON: ...Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Glynn.
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SAGAL: Thank you, everybody.
It is wonderful to be back in Brooklyn, a great place to be in a blizzard because when people are forced to eat each other to survive, they know the meat lived a rich, full life was a free-range barista.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: But the blizzard made things a little nuts. Bill Kurtis is back in Chicago. He's plowing the streets with nothing but the sound of his own voice.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: So we are delighted to have as our guest judge and scorekeeper, the host and creator of NPR's Snap Judgment, Mr. Glynn Washington.
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WASHINGTON: Indeed.
SAGAL: Very happy to have him.
WASHINGTON: It's good to be here, Peter. It is.
SAGAL: So Glynn, this is your second gig in public radio, right?
WASHINGTON: That's right. (Unintelligible).
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And do you think you're ready to, like, throw away all the achievement that you've put in over the years with your own show on this?
WASHINGTON: I'm stepping up, Peter. This is great. WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME? WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME until I talk to my mother about this.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And lastly, our scheduled guest could not make it. So instead we found this guy who used to have a show on Comedy Central - not sure what he's been up to recently. His name is Stephen Colbert. And...
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: ...It happened really last minute. So later on, we are just going to ask him the questions we were going to ask Lena Dunham.
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SAGAL: But the questions for all of you were custom made. Give us a call at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant.
Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
BRAD JOHNSON: Hi. How are you?
SAGAL: I'm well. Who's this?
JOHNSON: This is Brad Johnson. I'm calling from Gurnee, Ill.
SAGAL: Gurnee - I know Gurnee. It's north of Chicago. What do you do there in Gurnee?
JOHNSON: I am a teacher. I'm an elementary school teacher. I teach fourth grader.
SAGAL: Hey.
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JOHNSON: Yeah.
SAGAL: It's a public school?
JOHNSON: It is. It is a public school. It's in nearby...
SAGAL: Well, that's great. You'll be able to enjoy that for another six months or so. I think that's...
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FAITH SALIE: Do you fight off the grizzlies every day?
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SAGAL: Brad, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's a "Colbert Report" alum and one half of the website Quality Time with Pete and Deb. It's Peter Grosz.
PETER GROSZ: Hello.
JOHNSON: Hey, Peter? How are you?
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Next, it's a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning, the author of "Approval Junkie" and the host of the new Audible original series, "Authorized," that asks writers about sex and romance. It's Faith Salie.
SALIE: Hi, Brad.
JOHNSON: Hi, Faith.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: And finally, a correspondent for "CBS Sunday Morning" and host of "The Henry Ford's Innovation Nation" Saturday mornings on CBS, it's Mo Rocca.
(APPLAUSE)
MO ROCCA: Hi, Brad.
JOHNSON: Hey, Mo.
SAGAL: So Brad, you have a signal honor. You are going to be the first person ever to play Who's Glynn This Time...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...Because Glynn Washington is filling in for Bill Kurtis this week. And the host of Snap Judgment is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize, still, the voice of scorekeeper emeritus Carl Kasell on your voicemail.
Are you ready to play?
JOHNSON: I am ready.
SAGAL: All right. Your first quote is from, as you probably anticipated...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...The leader of the free world.
(LAUGHTER)
WASHINGTON: My daughter Ivanka has been treated unfairly by them - terrible.
SAGAL: That was terrifying, Glynn.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: So after antagonizing Australia, Mexico and France, this week, our president declared war on whom?
JOHNSON: Nordstrom.
SAGAL: Yes, Nordstrom.
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SAGAL: The president of the United States pointed his Twitter cannon at Nordstrom department store because they had dropped his daughter's fashion line and au courant collection of jodhpurs and jackboots. According...
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SAGAL: According to the president's official schedule, his daily intelligence briefing started at 10:30 a.m. on Wednesday, and this tweet came out at 10:51 a.m.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Then at 10:53 a.m., he bid on that Cheeto that looks just like Harambe.
(LAUGHTER)
ROCCA: I was just going to say that this was all foretold by Nordstrom-domus (ph).
(LAUGHTER)
SALIE: I think he should take on other American clothiers, you know, with tweets. I think, like, you know - like Eileen Fischer, your vanity sizing gives American women fake self-esteem. So sad. You know? Or, like, Zara, you turn over your uber-trendy inventory too fast - so frustrating.
SAGAL: Or how about - Forever 21. Really?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: If they end the - well, what do they do with the old Ivanka merchandise...
SALIE: Right.
SAGAL: ...That won't sell? Do they give it to, like, you know, needy people in Africa?
ROCCA: They give it to Tiffany.
SAGAL: Oh, I see (laughter). Oh, no.
(LAUGHTER)
ROCCA: Why aren't we...
SAGAL: Like all of Ivanka's clothes that she used to have...
ROCCA: Ivanka, Ivanka, Ivanka - why doesn't Tiffany have her own line?
I have a question.
SAGAL: Yes, Mo?
ROCCA: Whatever happened to Brad...
(LAUGHTER)
ROCCA: ...The caller?
SAGAL: Oh, Brad, are you there?
SALIE: Oh.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I'm sorry. I was...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Honest to God, when you said that, my immediate reaction was - wait, there's a Brad Trump?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I hadn't heard about that one. Brad...
ROCCA: Do not attack Brad Trump.
SAGAL: I won't.
Brad, are you still there?
JOHNSON: I sure am. I'm here.
SAGAL: I'm glad to hear it.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Good for you.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Glynn, are you ready?
WASHINGTON: (Laughter) I'm ready.
SAGAL: All right. Here is Glynn Washington, Brad, with your...
JOHNSON: All right.
SAGAL: ...Next quote.
WASHINGTON: I don't think he wears a bathrobe, and he definitely doesn't own one.
SAGAL: That was White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer saying that, contrary to reports in the press, who does not really wander his residence alone at night dressed in a bathrobe?
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JOHNSON: That would be our commander in chief, or President Trump.
SAGAL: That would be the president.
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ROCCA: Oh, my God. So if he's not wearing a bathrobe, then he's not wearing anything?
SALIE: Not wearing anything.
GROSZ: He walks around like Donald Duck. He just has a shirt and no pants.
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SAGAL: So this is what's happening. Three weeks in, and we are finding out all the stuff about Donald Trump's administration, the private time, the, you know, secret stuff through all these leaks. The New York Times reported about the president wandering around lost in a bathrobe, leading to Mr. Spicer angrily denying it, saying he doesn't own a bathrobe. And if he did, he'd get it from the Ivanka collection at Macy's.
ROCCA: The article also - right? - pointed out about them not - right? - not knowing where to flip the light switch...
SAGAL: Yes.
ROCCA: ...And that it was always dark. And I don't...
SAGAL: Just to clarify, the same article in The New York Times said that his staff are meeting in the dark in the West Wing because they can't figure out how to turn on the lights.
SALIE: But they also don't know the exits. They keep looking for doorknobs and turning them...
SAGAL: Yes.
SALIE: ...Until they find the one that opens.
SAGAL: It seems so...
GROSZ: Do they live in the "Clue" mansion?
(LAUGHTER)
GROSZ: What mysteries await?
Also, I can understand moving into a new house. But, like, Obama was like - here the nuclear codes, don't say stupid things. I - like, he should have gone way more basic and been like, this is the light switch. Up is on, and down is off. When the light is on, you can see. When it's off, you can't see.
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ROCCA: Maybe he expected it to come with clap-on, clap-off or something like that.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Brad, here is your last quote. This is from the Virgin Islands Daily News.
WASHINGTON: He's the kitesurfer in chief.
SAGAL: That was a quote about a man who seems to be enjoying himself a lot on vacation this week. Who?
JOHNSON: President Obama.
SAGAL: Yes, President Obama.
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SAGAL: You guys remember him?
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SAGAL: This week, billionaire Richard Branson posted a video of himself and the former president having a kitesurfing contest in the British Virgin Islands. Trump took Obama's job of being president, so Obama took Trump's job of hanging around with billionaires and not doing much.
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GROSZ: But it does feel like - it feels like in, like "Batman" movies where Batman is like - I can't do it - and he, like, retreats to his mansion. People are like - Batman, where are you? We need you. Or like, in "Superman 2," doesn't he, like, go get normal and then lives with Lois Lane and all the people come...
SALIE: Yeah, but he doesn't go kitesurfing.
GROSZ: Well, no, no. Lois isn't very good at it, so they don't kitesurf.
SAGAL: If you were frustrated watching these videos, imagine how Joe Biden felt. Really? It's like - but Barack, I thought I was your bestest buddy.
GROSZ: He also was probably like, every time I suggested we go kitesurfing, you said no. Well, we were working at the time. And...
ROCCA: The two of them together, the photographs did look like they were really close, as like - oh, the new couple, Barichard (ph).
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: So Glynn, are you ready to give your first score?
WASHINGTON: I am indeed.
SAGAL: All right, Glynn, how did Brad do on our quiz?
WASHINGTON: Brad did fantastic. He got all three questions right.
SAGAL: There you go.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Brad, thank you so much for playing.
JOHNSON: Thank you for having me.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "NEVER GOING BACK AGAIN")
FLEETWOOD MAC: (Singing) Been down one time, been down two times - never going back again. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.