BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. Say, ah. You're about to get a tonsil-Bill-ectomy (ph)...
(LAUGHTER)
KURTIS: ...Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
(APPLAUSE)
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Thank you so much. Thank you. We have another great show for you this week because, with this week's news, how could it not be? We are particularly excited about our guest this week, David Duchovny, star of "The X-Files," among many other things.
(CHEERING)
SAGAL: And it will be great to travel back in time with him to a kinder, gentler era when the worst thing our government was doing was covering up horrific medical experiments carried out by aliens.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: We didn't know about the truth, but we're pretty sure you're out there. Give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi. You are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
MICHELLE GOUDGE: Hi, Peter. This is Michelle Goudge from South Jordan, Utah.
SAGAL: South Jordan, Utah. Now, I don't know South Jordan. Is that in the Valley, as they say?
GOUDGE: It is in the Valley. It's a suburb of Salt Lake City.
SAGAL: And what do you do there?
GOUDGE: I am a mom of two busy girls, who have been begging and pleading with me on a weekly basis to call in to be on your show.
SAGAL: Really?
(LAUGHTER)
MO ROCCA: OK.
SAGAL: That's right.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Are they with you now?
GOUDGE: They're not in the vicinity that I'm in, but they are in my house.
SAGAL: They're in your house.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: So they were, like, saying, you have to call in. You have to call in. And you snuck off to do it without them?
(LAUGHTER)
GOUDGE: That's right.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Michelle. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's a contributor to "CBS Sunday Morning" and the host of "Science Goes To The Movies" on PBS - it now has its own YouTube channel - it's Faith Salie.
FAITH SALIE: Hey, Michelle.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Next, it's a correspondent for "CBS Sunday Morning" and the host of "Henry Ford's Innovation Nation" Saturday morning on CBS. It's Mo Rocca.
ROCCA: Hi, Michelle.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: And making her debut on our panel, it's a comedian whose albums are called "Emotionally Exhausting" and "Mind Over Melee," it's Liz Miele.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: So, Michelle, welcome to the show. You, of course, are going to start us off with Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize - the voice of anybody from our show on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?
GOUDGE: I'm ready.
SAGAL: All right, Michelle. Here we go. Here is your first quote.
KURTIS: Wish I finished my breakfast sandwich, but my stubborn self decided not to, and now I'm getting hangry.
SAGAL: That was what a 17-year-old girl named Chloe Kim tweeted this week exactly three minutes before she did what?
GOUDGE: She won a gold medal in the Olympics.
SAGAL: That's right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: She won a gold medal at the Winter Olympics.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: The 2018 Winter Olympics will go down as the first millennial Olympics. There's snowboarder Red Gerard - the first person born in 2000 to win a gold medal and to drop an F-bomb on international TV.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: There was 15-year-old Alina Zagitova of Russia, who became the first female skater to land a triple Salchow while rolling her eyes at the crowd for caring about something as lame as ice skating.
(LAUGHTER)
ROCCA: What kind of breakfast sandwich did she want?
SAGAL: Nobody - I'm not sure.
LIZ MIELE: If you look on her Instagram, then you see it. You got to follow these people on all platforms.
SAGAL: Exactly.
SALIE: Oh. Right. Right. I'm sorry.
MIELE: Also, like, everybody talks about millennials, and they're on their phones, and they should - but honestly, maybe if you were on your phone more, you'd be winning gold medals.
SAGAL: That's true.
ROCCA: Right? That's true.
MIELE: Maybe you should look at your life.
ROCCA: Can we talk about how amazing Adam Rippon is?
SAGAL: Yes.
(APPLAUSE)
ROCCA: He makes everything gay.
SAGAL: He's fabulous. In fact, what's interesting is - I'm sure everybody knows - Adam Rippon is the first openly male Olympian, which is both heartwarming and groundbreaking and a little surprising.
ROCCA: It's figure skating.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I mean, the sparkly suits were kind of a giveaway, guys.
(LAUGHTER)
ROCCA: He Salchow-ed (ph) coming out of his mother's womb, probably.
SAGAL: He's amazing.
ROCCA: And I love when he - there's this thing he does in interviews, which I think is hysterical because it's sort of making fun of the whole interview process.
SAGAL: Yes.
ROCCA: He keeps using the person's name. Like, he'll be like, well, Mike, listen, Mike.
(LAUGHTER)
ROCCA: So Andrea Joyce, the commentator - it was right after his skate. He said her name in the best possible way. He went (sighs) Andrea.
(LAUGHTER)
ROCCA: And a writer for The Daily Beast - Brian Fallon (ph) - said it was the single most gay moment in sports history.
(LAUGHTER)
ROCCA: It made me want to run out. And I need to get a friend named Andrea so I can just call her up all the time and go, (sighs) Andrea.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: It is true. He has become, in his own way, America's sweetheart. I just love the guy. And...
SALIE: You know what he said?
MIELE: He called himself America's sweetheart.
SAGAL: Did he seriously?
SALIE: Oh, yeah.
MIELE: It was amazing. I was like, I didn't know you could do that.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You can just claim the title. Who knew?
SALIE: He also said that being a gay athlete is the same as being a straight athlete, except with better eyebrows...
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
SALIE: ...Which is a thousand percent true.
SAGAL: You know, what's interesting is...
ROCCA: (Sighs) Peter.
SAGAL: What?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Oh, I get it. You're doing Adam. OK. I'm sorry.
Your next quote, Michelle, is from Mick Mulvaney. He is the White House director of the Office of Management and Budget. He was speaking in testimony this week.
KURTIS: I probably could have made it balance by using funny numbers.
SAGAL: Mulvaney was saying he could have - no problem - balanced what if he wanted to? But he just chose not to. What is it?
GOUDGE: You know, I'm inclined to say the budget.
SAGAL: You'd be right.
GOUDGE: But if that's...
SAGAL: I'm just going to stop you right there and say that's it - the budget.
KURTIS: Good for you, Michelle.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: We missed this in a lot of things going on, but the Trump administration actually laid out their official budget this week, and it's basically - it's just money for guns and tanks and just enough new highway for them to have a parade on.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Everything else is slashed - the NEA, the CDC, NEH, CBB, TBS, T.J. Maxx, science programs and Medicare and Medicaid. Don't worry, though - don't worry, though. If you're worried how you're going to live without these important programs, don't worry. President Trump's lawyer is willing to pay a hundred and thirty thousand bucks out of his own pocket to people who need help for no reason at all.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And this is also true. To make some money, because, you know, they need to try to, you know, balance the budget, they want to sell off - this is true - the American share of the International Space Station to a private owner. No. And you know who - who's it going to be? I mean, who could it possibly be? There's only one person in the world who needs a parking spot for his car in space.
(LAUGHTER)
ROCCA: Let Tiffany have it.
SAGAL: Tiffany Trump - just give her the space station?
ROCCA: I just feel like she - yeah. I just feel like she's - doesn't get a lot of attention.
MIELE: So send her to space.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Your last quote, Michelle, is about an - now this is a little - this is a departure, but we're a little worried about it. It's about an exciting piece of technology that was unveiled this week.
KURTIS: We're doomed.
SAGAL: That was CBS responding...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...To a robot that on a viral video showed off a new skill. What was the robot doing?
GOUDGE: Oh, I might need to ask for a hint from the panelists on this one.
SAGAL: Have you seen - have you guys seen this? This was all over the place. It's another video...
SALIE: No.
ROCCA: No, it's crazy. It's so scary.
SAGAL: It's another video from the company called Boston Dynamics. These are the guys - you may have seen these videos because they've been working on these robots that can move around, and they look like weird, headless dogs.
ROCCA: I'll give her a clue. Michelle, it's something that you might appreciate a guy doing for you.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I think you're presuming a lot about Michelle right now.
ROCCA: I said might.
SAGAL: Might - you never know.
ROCCA: Michelle, just what's the first thing that came to mind?
(LAUGHTER)
ROCCA: Don't edit yourself.
GOUDGE: Can I say that on the radio?
SAGAL: No. Your kids are listening, Michelle.
ROCCA: Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it.
GOUDGE: Clean. Is it a robot that cleans?
SAGAL: This is the first - I'll just give it to you because I think you've already won, Michelle. It is the first robot that we've ever seen that can open a door. So anyway, so like I said, Boston Dynamics has been developing these robots that are just incredibly terrifying. They, like, can run around. They can run up hills. They have one video where people like kicked them over, and they could get back up, and then they'd stare at them with rage in their nonexistent eyes.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: But this week - it's like - so like, there's this robot, and it goes up to a door, and it can't get through. And you're like, whoa, that's great because we are safe from the robots. They can't open doors.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And then this other robot comes up with this monstrous claw where its head should be, and it opens the door for the other robot, and then they both go through. And it's, like, oh, after you. Go kill the meat bags. I'll check in with you later.
(LAUGHTER)
ROCCA: I sent the video - my mother lives upstairs from me, and my mother's Colombian. And I sent the video upstairs, and I said, look, if I ever need to bring you something upstairs, maybe I can just send this. And then she just texted back, (speaking Spanish).
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Michelle do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Oh, let's give her everything. Michelle, you did real well.
SAGAL: You did real well. Congratulations.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Michelle, thank you so much for playing. Bye-bye.
GOUDGE: Bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "WALKING THE DOG")
RUFUS THOMAS: (Singing) Walking the dog. Just walking the dog. If you don't know how to do it, I'll show you how to walk the dog.
SAGAL: We want to remind everybody they can join us most weeks at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago. For tickets or more information, go to wbez.org, or you can find a link at our website, waitwait.npr.org. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.