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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Luke Burbank, Paula Poundstone and Roxanne Roberts. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Right now, it is time for the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
ADAM: Hi, this is Adam (ph) from Washington, D.C.
SAGAL: Hey, Adam, how are things in Washington?
ADAM: They're all right.
SAGAL: They're all right.
ADAM: Well, no.
SAGAL: No.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You were able to keep it up for one or two seconds. That was awesome.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Are you, in fact, part of the permanent government there?
ADAM: No, I was deep state for a while, but now I'm out of the government.
SAGAL: I understand. I understand. Do you enjoy being out of the government, or do you wish you were back in there subverting democracy?
ADAM: (Laughter) No, I'm happy to be out for now.
SAGAL: That's good. What do you do?
ADAM: I'm a teacher at Johns Hopkins School of Advanced International Studies.
SAGAL: Oh, really? I mean...
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: So are you teaching, like, future diplomats?
ADAM: Yeah.
SAGAL: Right.
ADAM: Yeah.
SAGAL: And do you think there's going to be any need for diplomacy anytime soon?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Adam, it's good to have you with us. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Adam's topic?
KURTIS: And the Oscar goes to...
SAGAL: The Oscars are just a few hours away. But next year's Oscars are just 8,700 hours away. So this week, we heard about a film actually in production that is absolutely a lock to win next year's Best Picture Oscar. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth about a real movie, and you'll win our prize - the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?
ADAM: I am.
SAGAL: All right. First, let's hear a movie pitch from Luke Burbank.
LUKE BURBANK: Inspired by the massive success of "The Emoji Movie" and other seemingly terrible ideas for animated films, Fox Searchlight announced this week that it's in development on "Crunchy Edges, Soft Heart," an animated film starring Terry (ph), a piece of avocado toast.
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: The story follows Terry as he's purchased during a Brooklyn brunch by a millennial who chooses him over paying off their student loans or saving for a mortgage.
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: The millennial, tentatively to be played by either Kendall or Kylie Jenner...
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: ...Actually forgets to eat Terry because she's busily posting pictures of him on Instagram - hashtag literally the best toast ever, hashtag nom (ph), nom, nom. She then takes Terry to go where he moves into her refrigerator and makes friends with the other foods in the fridge - a quinoa salad named Harlow (ph) and a bottle of expired kombucha named Benjamin (ph). Benjamin is terrified of being thrown out because he's expired, and the dramatic climax of the film comes when the millennial takes him out of the fridge, drinks him and pretends he's delicious because that's what you do with kombucha.
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: Also, Terry teaches all the foods that the hero was inside them all along, blah, blah, blah.
SAGAL: "Crunchy Edges, Soft Heart," an animated film about the contents of millennial's refrigerator. Your next story of a coming attraction comes from Roxanne Roberts.
ROXANNE ROBERTS: What do Americans love more than football? Dogs. So what could be better than a movie with both? Discovery Communications is developing its first feature film based on Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl and the NFL's ultimate game. The working title is "Super Puppy Bowl." Set in the week of the championship matchup, a star quarterback and a scrappy rescue puppy switch bodies while shooting a PSA for pet adoption. Quote, "think 'Air Bud' meets 'Freaky Friday'," producer Tammy Westman (ph) told The Hollywood Reporter.
While in the body of the quarterback, the puppy creates chaos on and off the field, running in circles, chasing his tail, kissing everyone and eating everything in sight. The quarterback, stuck inside a 3-month-old mutt is, of course, the alpha dog at the puppy bowl but frantically tries to escape his handlers and get to the real game by kickoff. Westman says real NFL players are slated to appear in cameos. Jim Carrey and Kevin Hart are going to star. Quote, "and we should give Dax Shepard a role just because of his name," she joked.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: "Super Puppy Bowl," a mashup of those crowd favorites the Puppy Bowl and the Super Bowl. Your last story of a movie you do not want to miss comes from Paula Poundstone.
PAULA POUNDSTONE, BYLINE: They're actually making a movie about Flamin' Hot Cheetos.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: The Flamin' Hot Cheeto was invented by Richard Montanez, a former migrant worker. He spent years picking grapes thinking, what if grapes were hot?
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: People laughed. Then he became a janitor at Frito-Lay where he met the Cheeto. What if it was hot, he thought...
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: ...And could ruin your clothes?
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: Now they weren't laughing. Now he's a highly successful Frito-Lay executive. How could this film not sweep every category? The not-ready-for-primetime technical awards are surely - will surely include several honors for the breakthrough techniques they'll need to get the color of the Flamin' Hot Cheetos just right on the screen.
Some aged, unsung wardrobe maven will finally be recognized for developing a method to clean the ruinous red Flamin' Hot Cheetos' stain out of clothing. Not since Marvel's first superhero flick has there been such a brimming pool of sequel and spinoff opportunities - Dippin' Dots; the agony and the ecstasy...
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: ...The madness behind corn nuts...
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: ...And growing up peeps; a family's struggle with hypoglycemia.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right, one of these movies is going to be made. Whether it wins an Oscar, we don't know. Is it from Luke Burbank - Crunchy Edges, Soft Heart, the story of a delightful meeting of hipster foods in a hipster refrigerator - from Roxanne - The Super Puppy Bowl, a mashup of the Super Bowl and Puppy Bowl where the quarterbacks switch bodies - or from Paula Poundstone - the Flamin' Hot Cheetos movie, the inspiring story of the invention of that popular snack food? Which of these is the real movie in production?
ADAM: I would have to go with Roxanne's, the Super Puppy "Bowl."
SAGAL: You're going to choose Roxanne's story, the "Super Proper Bowl," in which the quarterback becomes the puppy and the puppy becomes the quarterback and...
ADAM: Yes.
SAGAL: All right. Well, you've chosen that one. We spoke to someone who is involved in the true story.
DEVON FRANKLIN: "Flamin' Hot" is the true story of Richard Montanez...
(LAUGHTER)
FRANKLIN: ...Who created Flamin' Hot Cheetos.
SAGAL: That was DeVon Franklin, the producer behind the Flamin' Hot Cheetos movie, telling us about his big project. So believe it or not, Paula was telling the truth. However, I am absolutely certain that backstage Roxanne's phone is ringing by Hollywood producers desperate to option that idea...
POUNDSTONE: It is a great idea.
SAGAL: ...Of the Super Bowl/Puppy Bowl mashup.
BURBANK: If a yellow lab's brain got into Tom Brady, would you know the difference?
SAGAL: That's the point.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: That's why it's genius.
(APPLAUSE)
POUNDSTONE: And the dog would bite the ball and deflate it just a little bit.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: Great idea, Roxanne.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Adam.
ADAM: Thank you.
SAGAL: Bye-bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "MORE LIKE THE MOVIES")
DR. HOOK AND THE MEDICINE SHOW: (Singing) I wish I could have made it more like the movies for you - some pretty Technicolor way. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.