PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That translates to 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website - waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And be sure to check out the How To Do Everything Podcast. This week, Mike and Ian tell you how to hide from spies.
O'ROURKE: OK, Mike and Ian.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
CLARA WALSH: Oh my gosh, I...
SAGAL: Oh my Gosh.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: No, I'm as surprised to be talking to you as you are to be talking to me, so let's...
WALSH: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: So let's just try...
WALSH: This is a dream come true.
SAGAL: ...To be cool about this. So who is this?
WALSH: This is Clara, and I'm calling from Montpelier, Vt.
SAGAL: Montpelier, Vt.?
TOM BODETT: Oh, hey homie...
SAGAL: What do you do there?
WALSH: I'm a bartender at the fabulous Three Penny Taproom.
SAGAL: Yeah.
WALSH: And I own my own pickling business.
SAGAL: Your own pickling business.
WALSH: Yeah.
BODETT: That is so Vermont.
SAGAL: I claimed the joke as host, so I assume...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You're not - so you're not just pickling people at the bar.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Clara. Bill Kurtis is...
WALSH: Thank you.
SAGAL: ...Going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?
WALSH: I am. This is a dream come true. And there are so many people at the bar waiting to hear how this goes.
SAGAL: Really?
HELEN HONG: Oh yay.
BODETT: Hey.
SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.
WALSH: OK.
BILL KURTIS: Our theme park has rules that may vex. But we got an R rating, not X. Still, Erotika Land has a theme that is grand. Our rides are all focused on...
WALSH: Sex.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Very good.
KURTIS: OK.
SAGAL: So entrepreneurs in Brazil have announced they're planning a new theme park called Erotika Land, a Disneyland of sex if you will or a Sex Flags Over America or...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...Maybe a Busch Gardens. The...
(LAUGHTER)
O'ROURKE: Peter, as host you claim that joke.
SAGAL: I did.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: But here's the thing - here's the thing - the park is redolent of sex, but the guests themselves are not allowed to actually indulge. One of the park's founders said, quote, "it's not like we're creating Sodom and Gomorrah. If attendees want to take things to another level, they can go to a nearby motel, which we will operate.
O'ROURKE: Right.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: So basically, this theme park you pay an admission fee. You enter a world drenched in sex, but you're not allowed to have any. If you'd like to save money and a trip to Brazil, just be an undergraduate English major.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Not autobiographical.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick.
KURTIS: My cat I'm unable to teach, but his collar puts words in his reach. It takes purrs and meows and transforms them somehow. Now my cat has the power of...
WALSH: Speech.
SAGAL: Yes...
KURTIS: Speech...
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: ...Speech.
KURTIS: ...Yes, and the bar went wild.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: A new smart collar created by Temptations Cat Treats - those pioneers in science.
BODETT: There's a theme running...
SAGAL: Yeah.
BODETT: ...Thick through this show.
SAGAL: They claim that this collar will translate your cat's meows into human speech. The first thing the collar translates in cat to human, right after you put it on is I have never hated you more than I do now.
BODETT: I know.
(LAUGHTER)
BODETT: Every time my cat walks by me, he makes this little sign - I know what it is - it's just going to be...
(LAUGHTER)
BODETT: And I don't - I really don't need to hear that.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.
KURTIS: It's an art game of thrones, please don't spoil it. Use the porcelain ones, do not soil it. With usable plumbing, the price is mind-numbing, a solid gold flushable...
WALSH: Oh my God, it rhymes with it, right?
SAGAL: No...
HONG: No.
SAGAL: ...It rhymes - it rhymes with spoil it.
O'ROURKE: Spoil it.
KURTIS: Spoil it, soil it.
WALSH: Toilet?
UNIDENTIFIED PANELISTS: Yes.
HONG: Yay.
(APPLAUSE, LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Italian contemporary artist Maurice Cattelan designed a fully-operational 18-karat gold toilet to be installed in the Guggenheim Museum.
O'ROURKE: Or the White House, depending on...
SAGAL: Yeah.
O'ROURKE: ...Who's elected.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You're probably right, P.J. The work created quite a buzz among New York art aficionados. They were thrilled to hear there would finally be a public toilet in the city.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Clara do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Drinks all around. You got all three right.
WALSH: Yay.
HONG: Yay...
SAGAL: Well done.
(APPLAUSE)
WALSH: Awesome.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, thank you.
WALSH: Thank you guys. Thank you. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.