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BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I hope you're hungry. You're about to get a big plate of spaghetti Billognese (ph).
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KURTIS: I'm Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you all so much. We've got a wonderful show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to Scott Kelly, who set an American record by spending almost a year in space. Our first question, of course - how often do you think about going back?
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SAGAL: Second question - how many of us can you take with you?
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SAGAL: But while we're stuck here on Earth, we might as well play some games. So give us a call and win the voice of anyone on this show on your voicemail. The number is 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
JOYCE GORDON: Hi, Peter. My name is Joyce Gordon, and I'm calling from Durham, N.C.
SAGAL: Oh, Durham, N.C. I know it well. What do you do there?
GORDON: I work for Meals on Wheels of Durham.
SAGAL: Oh, good for you. That's great.
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SAGAL: That's that - you're the - that's that bloated government bureaucracy that they're going to cut, right?
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GORDON: Right.
SAGAL: Yeah, just those fat cat bureaucrats sitting around, eating macaroni and cheese. Well, Joyce, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's the host of a new podcast on the Maximum Fun network. It's called "Go Fact Yourself." It's taping live in Los Angeles November 5 and 12. It's Helen Hong.
HELEN HONG: Hello. Hi, Joyce.
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SAGAL: Next, it's a contributor to "CBS Sunday Morning" and author of the book "Approval Junkie." It's Faith Salie.
FAITH SALIE: Hi, Joyce.
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SAGAL: And the comedian you can find at alonzobodden.com - it's Alonzo Bodden.
ALONZO BODDEN: Hello, Joyce.
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SAGAL: Joyce, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize, the voice of anybody on this radio show on your voicemail - whoever you like. You ready to play?
GORDON: I sure am.
SAGAL: OK. Now, your first quote - I'm sure I don't even have to tell you - is a tweet from the president of the United States.
KURTIS: No collusion.
SAGAL: That was the president reacting to the first indictments on Monday that presented evidence of what?
GORDON: Collusion.
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SAGAL: Yeah.
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SAGAL: Sure, we found out that Trump's campaign manager and another official laundered hundreds of millions of dollars from foreign governments connected to Putin and another pled guilty to lying about setting up actual meetings with Russians, but that's not collusion. Collusion is now defined as anything Trump has never actually done.
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SAGAL: So for example, collusion - that would be remembering Tiffany's birthday.
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SAGAL: Paul Manafort, Trump's former campaign manager, was indicted because of course he was.
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SAGAL: He's the most obvious villain outside an episode of "Scooby-Doo."
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SALIE: So didn't - we learned about Manafort that he had three different passport...
SAGAL: Yes.
SALIE: ...Numbers...
SAGAL: Yes.
SALIE: ...And went to Europe with - he got a different email account...
SAGAL: Yes.
SALIE: ...Under a different name, went to Europe with a different phone, right?
SAGAL: Yes.
SALIE: But here's what I love about him. All that time he was doing whatever he was doing in Europe, he was renting out one of his apartments in New York as an Airbnb.
SAGAL: Right.
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SALIE: Didn't we learn something about, like, kajillions (ph) of dollars' worth of rugs?
SAGAL: He spent - because they were...
HONG: Yes.
SAGAL: ...Like, tracking where all the money went. He spent a million dollars - about - on clothing and almost a million on rugs. How can you spend a million dollars on men's clothing and still look like a guy trying to get you to come on down for deals at Manafort Chevrolet?
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SAGAL: Just outside of Teaneck, Route 22. Come on down.
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BODDEN: What I love about Trump's tweet and speaking, like, the only large words he can use...
SAGAL: Yeah.
BODDEN: ...Are related to legal terms.
SAGAL: Right.
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BODDEN: Like, he can say collusion, allegedly. Like, he's used to that.
SAGAL: Yeah.
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HONG: I used to have - you know, my financial goals used to be to make Kardashian money eventually. But I think now I want to make Manafort rug money.
SAGAL: Yeah.
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HONG: That's the kind of money I want to make.
SAGAL: How do you - well, I mean, he spent a million dollars on rugs because he needed all those rugs to roll up the bodies and get rid of them.
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SAGAL: We also learned...
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BODDEN: Isn't it funny...
SALIE: Allegedly.
BODDEN: ...Where they draw the line?
SAGAL: Oh, I know. It's like, he can subvert democracy, but you can't make that joke. All right.
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SAGAL: You can't kill made-up people. No. Joyce, here is your next quote.
KURTIS: The Cut Cut Cut Act.
SAGAL: That - and I am not kidding - is what President Trump wanted to call what big bill this week?
GORDON: The tax bill.
SAGAL: Yes. The tax cut bill.
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SAGAL: They talked him down. I think they called the Tax Cut and Jobs Act. The Republicans in Congress have been working on a tax cut as if their lives depend on it. And they're right.
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SAGAL: And I don't mean politically. I mean their lives depend on it. Remember when the Koch brothers fed Eric Cantor to their pet tiger?
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SAGAL: When asked about the bill, he calls it, quote, "very, very special." It's a very, very special bill.
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SAGAL: That's what he says about it. That's the entirety of what he says about it. Then on Thursday during a cabinet meeting - and again, this is true...
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SAGAL: ...He actually picked up a piece of paper with the bill written on it and kissed it.
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HONG: No.
SAGAL: He kissed the tax bill. As per his habit, first, he popped a Tic Tac.
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SALIE: Wait, first, he grabbed it by the lower half of the paper, right?
SAGAL: Of the paper, yeah.
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SAGAL: He did that.
SALIE: Yeah.
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SAGAL: The Republicans - you could see it in their faces - they're so thrilled that they seem to be on the verge of finally getting something done. Paul Ryan was so excited his widow's peak has started dating again.
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SAGAL: Your last...
BODDEN: Do you think...
SAGAL: Go ahead.
BODDEN: ...Like, with the naming of the bill, do you think - because they have to work around Trump and his ego that they sit around say, like, what's the simplest thing we can let him do...
SAGAL: Yeah.
BODDEN: ...So he can be a part of it?
SAGAL: Yeah.
BODDEN: And they were, like, well, just let him make up a name. And then, they're like, oh, he couldn't even nail that one.
SAGAL: Yeah.
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BODDEN: Couldn't even.
SAGAL: Your last quote is from the cover of Sports Illustrated back in 2014, three years ago.
KURTIS: Your 2017 World Series champions.
SAGAL: So what team saw that almost creepy prediction come true this week?
GORDON: The Houston Astros.
SAGAL: Yes, indeed.
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SAGAL: The Houston Astros...
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SAGAL: As predicted. As the prophets said, won the World Series this year. It was a great Series - seven games, lots of ups and downs, an epic battle to determine which team would get to turn down an invitation to go to the White House.
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SAGAL: But that's it - I don't know if you followed this story. But it was an amazing year because not only did they come - for the Astros, I mean - not only did they come from the basement three years ago when that prediction was made. But there are all these individual stories. Like, a player named Evan Gattis a little while ago was working as a janitor because he had addiction problems, got over them, joined the team - World Series champion. Justin Verlander has to put up with people pretending to talk to him while staring at Kate Upton.
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SAGAL: And Jose Altuve has been so often used by his teammates as a garden gnome.
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SAGAL: The games were great, especially the ones at Dodger Stadium. Sandy Koufax, the great pitcher, was in the stands. He pitched for the Dodgers in the mid-1960s. And he sat next to Larry King, who was already ancient when Sandy Koufax did that. But maybe the best part was after the last game on national TV - you will like this, Faith, because you're romantic - on national TV, Carlos Correa of the Astros proposed to his girlfriend right there while being interviewed - live, national TV. It was touching, really was great.
HONG: I thought it was obnoxious.
SAGAL: Did you?
HONG: Yeah.
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SAGAL: Why?
HONG: Because it was like, everybody's watching this game. There's confetti flying and champagne. And then he drags his girlfriend in front of the camera. And he's like, you better say yes.
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HONG: And it was - it looked sweet. But I felt for the woman. There was no way if she had any qualms whatsoever that she was going to be, like, you know what?
SAGAL: It is true, as if someone's...
HONG: Let's talk about this.
SAGAL: It's like, someone in the dugout saying, you know what I hate? When some guy gets his marriage proposal put on the Jumbotron. What's a woman going to do? That's the most embarrassment and pressure you can bring to a woman. And Carlos Correa said, watch this.
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BODDEN: You know, when you do it on a Jumbotron they tell you to make sure she's going to say yes.
SAGAL: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
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KURTIS: Listen, guys, I went for this one. I must be the romantic here. She rushed him and acted like she didn't know anything.
SAGAL: She was very excited.
BODDEN: I don't think she knew. But this wasn't a Jumbotron situation.
HONG: Yeah. This was a hostage-taking situation, I think.
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HONG: That's how I felt about it.
SAGAL: Bill, how did Joyce do on our quiz?
KURTIS: All three, Joyce.
SAGAL: Congratulations, Joyce.
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KURTIS: You're like the Astros.
SAGAL: Congratulations, Joyce. And thank you so much for playing. And thanks for the good work you do.
GORDON: Thank you so much.
SAGAL: Take care.
(SOUNDBITE OF WARREN SMITH SONG, "UBANGI STOMP") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.